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I do not regret anything: I did my work, that’s all; as for my family problems, which I might also talk about, they concern no one but me; and as for the rest, I probably did go a little far toward the end, but by that point I was no longer entirely myself, I was off-balance, and anyhow the whole world was toppling around me, I wasn’t the only one who lost his head, admit it.Also, I’m not writing to feed my widow and children, I’m quite capable of providing for them.

I am not your brother, you’ll retort, and I don’t want to know.I’m not the sort of man who loses his nerve at the drop of a hat, I know how to behave. The worst thing is not necessarily those images I’ve just described; fantasies like these have lived in me for a long time, ever since my childhood probably, or in any case long before I actually ended up in the heart of the slaughterhouse.The war, in that sense, was only a confirmation, and I have gotten used to these little scenarios, I take them as a pertinent commentary on the vanity of things.A little round grenade whose pin I’d delicately pluck out before I released the catch, smiling at the little metallic noise of the spring, the last sound I’d hear, aside from the heartbeat in my ears.And then at last, happiness, or in any case peace, as the shreds of my flesh slowly dripped off the walls.

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